I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
