We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
