i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
