i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
