so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
