Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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