and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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