so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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