I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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