Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.