Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?