he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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