So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake