I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.