I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please