we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us