Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.