How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me