margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
