i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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