That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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