Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize