If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We had to coat check the pizza.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
