i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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