i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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