just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
