I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
