woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You left your phone here
Wait...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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