woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
