Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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