I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
