I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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