where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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