i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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