You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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