Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize