I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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