her vagine was all disorganized.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
