mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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