I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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