So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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