Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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