I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize