Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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