I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
