I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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