he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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