I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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