can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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