Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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