Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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