i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i think i just lost a toe
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
