Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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