she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
