I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
