You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
